To Do List

Completed: 
✔: Trash collected and taken out.
✔: Plants watered and trimmed.
✔: Office organized and projects laid out to work on.
✔: Finished another new scene for Mage.
✔: Wrote 2000 words yesterday on Mage and other projects.
✔:

To Do: 
Vacuum and sweep the house.
Mow the lawn and gather pine cones.
Laundry
Complete the next chapter of edits on the Mage.
Break the next set of wine bottles and add to the box of those that need to be sanded. Need to get these sanded and made into candles.
Need to finish the paper owl project.
Need to start making candles.
What’s the next big project?

Self Esteem and Writing

I’m doing a two week course on Marketing for Introverts and Perfectionists. The instructor is a life coach and many of the sections have a psychology slant getting the user to realize that they’re getting in their own way. Taking tests to see how self compassionate you are does not seem a real way to improve marketing but in a way it makes sense. In order to present the best version of yourself to the world you need to know yourself first. A lot of marketing is learning to project your personality in a way that attracts attention and interest.

This weekend I ran into frustration after frustration while trying to be an adult in my life. The result? I spent two days pissed off and angry until I finally said “Fuck It.” and ignored the responsibilities in my life to make some art. This seems to be a lot of my life. I push myself to do the responsible thing over and over again, making myself miserable, until I finally crack and spend the rest of the night painting, making jewelry, or writing.

I need a better way to balance my art, writing, and adult responsibilities without burning out to do so.

http://www.heartworklifecoaching.com/

http://andkathleen.com/category/personal-branding/

A cup of Tea.

A good cup of tea can fix most things. I had a rather horrible weekend all told and the weather had taken a turn for wet and chilly reinforcing the need for a large cup of something warm.

  • I found out I have rats in my laundry area by having one jump past my hand. Yes, I screamed. And proceeded to toss every bit of stuff they could’ve hidden in into the trash. I’m going to need more boxes when I have to move again, sigh.
  • I mowed my grass as #$@&$#@ people tossed empty beer cans on my lawn. It looked like they’re from the high school baseball games going on next door.
    • Yeah, games all weekend and practice from 8 am until they finally left sometime each afternoon. My rental does not have much insulation so I got to listen to them cheering and screaming at each other for hours. Yeah.
  • Found a rotten tree had fallen over my fence on one side of the house, rental agency called.
  • Spent the entire weekend on and off the phone with my cable/internet company. I still don’t have internet but at least I am not on call for the next two weeks so I have time to get it fixed.
    • Moved a ton of work in progress to a thumb drive so I can work on things this week even if I don’t have internet. Ugh. Time to hit up the Starbucks again.
  • I figured out how to build a wire or thin wooden frame for my owl mobiles. Now I just have to test them out.
    • Yep, I made a giant paper owl Sunday afternoon after a day of utter suck. It was awesome.

Journal

Bands of steel wrap my chest, compressing me.
A lead vest that’s no longer armor, simply weight to drag me further down.
When did my defenses become prison walls?

***

This beehive in my chest, buzzing under my skin.
My bones vibrate and hum.
Let me tremble.
Crumble to dust and release the swarm.

***

Wrapped in a dark embrace,
fangs at my neck and heated growl in my ear.
Breathe shuddering, I gasp as heat licks my skin.
Molten and burning, my bones ache.