The rest of my body is fine. I like the fact that I have curves but am still slightly muscular. It just seems that all the fat in my body goes straight to my gut.

I know if I exercise more I will get stronger and burn more calories which will decrease the gut but it does not seem to have any effect yet. If anything I think my gut is growing while the rest of me shrinks.

I have started doing some light yoga and am looking at a few positions that are supposed to tighten the stomach. Doing anything is better than doing nothing right?

I have been working on my Master List or as it is also known as “The Life List”.

This is a To Do List to end all Lists. This is the list to write out everything you want…need…have to do sometime in the future, no matter how stupid or silly. This is the house chores and the bucket list rolled into one. Everything!

You write out what you need to do today. (Great!)

You get a clean page and write out what you need to do this week.

New Page…This Month.

New Page…In Three Months.

New Page…In Three Years.

New Page…In Ten Years.

Now go back through the lists. What items can you cross off that did not carry over on multiple lists? What did? What items can you move from a far out list to a sooner one?

I am starting a wonderful new job.

I am learning an entirely new system for the job.

I am traveling to learn the new system.

I am moving to a new home.

I have a wonderful new Boyfriend.

I am moving to a new town with new places to explore.

I am downsizing my life by moving into a smaller place.

I read this post this morning and it had perfect timing. This is a rather personal post so if you are not into getting details then please do not read.

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I was in a bit of a funk yesterday since I did not manage to get much done. I was feeling tired and fat. I have been forcing myself to get out and do more with friends and coworkers but it means that I also have no time for myself on occasion. I realized that since I have been out of town for work, I have not worked on my writing, french, or guitar in weeks. Yesterday was supposed to be my mental health/catch pu day but other things derailed that plan. I wound up getting up, taking a shower, checking my email, getting lunch with my parents and playing with my niece for 4 hours. It was nice. We colored and watched a movie, played with the dogs, and colored some more. I snuck out to run an errand and let my dog out and then was back for another hour or so.

By the time I got home I was tired and the day was almost over. I dug out my vitamins and cuddled with the Stell-bell while I watched an old movie I recently picked up. I got a call part of the way into the movie asking me to go to a late dinner, but by then I had already eaten. I declined and settled in only to get another call in a bit. The BF wanted to come over and cuddle. I explaned that I was having a stressful day and not up for company. He still wanted to come so I gave in and let him.

We cuddled and watched the last 45 minutes of my movie curled on the couch with my dog. Then he went home so I could go to sleep since I had to work the next day. However, I could not sleep. I was turning things over in my head over and over.

I keep telling him that he is spoiling me. He grins and tells me he is supposed to. The fact is that I am not used to being spoiled. I am used to doing for myself or being the one who gives everything. I do not know what to do with a guy who actually wants to spend time with me and wants to comfort me when I am down.

I realized that I have been trying to distance myself or pay him back for each kindness, which was making me stressed and doubtful. I need to be willing to have someone see me as cute, as a person to be enjoyed and someome they want to share things with. The fact is I am simply me. I need to accept this fact and let others see more of me. I am not a broken person or one needing to be fixed. I just need to start trying to not hold things back.

I am holding myself at a distance because I have been hurt too often in relationships that demanded that I be everything for them. Now that I am in one that does not I do not know how to deal with it. The only real response however is to stop holding back and to try and be myself. I am only hurting myself with holding back. Yes, if it does not work out I will be hurt but it will be worth the chance of hurt if we do work out.

Fix Me by 10 Years

It’s taken a life time to lose my way
A life time of yesterday
All the wasted time on my hands
Turns to sand, and fades in the wind
Crossing lines, small crimes
Taking back what is mine

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

So lost for so long
To find my way
I failed to follow
I’m out of place
Crossing lines, small crimes
Taking back what is mine

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

I’m fine in the fire
I feed on the friction
I’m right where I should be
Don’t try and fix me

You were not born to be average, normal or typical.
You were not born a carbon copy.
You were born unique, born to excel, born to manifest the glory of the universe in your authentic truth.
You are not weak.
You are stronger than you imagine, wiser than you know, and have vast powers that you have yet to actualize.
Stop playing small.
Be YOU. Tell your truth – now, today, this very moment.
Manifest your true self – not a poor reflection of your circumstance.
Don’t walk through this world unconscious of your greatness, sleep walking, surrendering your light to the bland grey around you.
You were born to be brilliant,
to be light,
to be fire.
Infuse your glory into this moment, into your choices, into your deeds, into the habits you create.
Consciously choose.
Choose your body through conscious consumption,
Choose your attitude, through conscious thought
Choose your destiny by being present right now – for remember mindful moments multiplied, totally transform tomorrows
Today choose integrity, choose discipline, choose joy, choose joy, choose joy.
Rejoice in your blessings AND, most importantly, know that EVERYTHING is a blessing.
And your blessings are rich soil.
So choose to grow into the boldest, proudest, most glorious version of YOU.
You were born for this.

I had this insane idea that I should start my own radio or podcast sessions.

I started doing some research and it is really not that hard to do Internet radio or podcasts.

My problem is “What am I going to be talking about???”

The main reason I am doing this is because I want to confront a few of my fears and being in photographs and on video is one of them. I want to see if this will help me become more accepting of my physical self.

So keep an eye out because there may be some changes to the site to accommodate the new podcasts or radio. Will update as it happens

 http://www.pcworld.com/article/190705/start_your_own_internet_radio_station_for_free.html

It can be a small thing but it must be things that I enjoy doing. I must smile as I do it and enjoy the action for what it is, a treat to enhance my day.

Things that make me happy…

• Blue Pens and good paper. I love how writing in blue ink makes me smile for no reason.
• Going on a walk after lunch. ( I do feel better if I get some alone time during the day at work and walking the parking lots I ge tthe bonus of sun and fresh air.)
• Going out to eat for lunch or dinner once a week. (Meeting up with friends for dinner is always a plus.)
• Cuddling and singing to my dog as i stroke her ears till she calms down. (This is going to be my weekend.)
• The dusty dog smell that my dog gets on the top of her head.
• Light a fire and enjoy my fireplace while I still have one.
• Layout on the porch in the sun with a book, while I still have a porch.
• Breathe.
• Buy myself flowers for the table.

Now I know that it is not a healthy option.
I still say this in my head occasionally. Can I curl up and die yet? Am I allowed to give up yet? But the answer is always no.

http://s.rvxn.org/promise-yourself-to-be-strong/

Looks like I am not the only one that wants to say “Yes” to a new year. Found this wonderful post on a new blog I am coming to love.

Saying yes is putting yourself out there, wielding the strength that is complete vulnerability, and letting yourself be swept away by the possibilities.

Saying yes is the ultimate positive action you can take for your life.

Saying yes is facing your fears and taking big emotional risks.

Saying yes is doing the things that scare you, not just doing them one moment but reminding yourself to do them day after day.

Saying yes is recognizing that life thrives on constant change and new experiences, whether you like it or not, and going with this flow.

Saying yes is, oftentimes, being uncomfortable.

Saying yes is being open to change, to growth, to the idea that you can and will be an even more awesome person than you were the day before.

And most of all, saying yes is one big freaking “SCREW YOU!” to whatever you did yesterday, this morning, or five minutes ago that you didn’t like, and realizing that each moment holds new potential, a new opportunity to change your life.

Read more here: http://s.rvxn.org/the-answer-is-yes/