Broken

I have been in an introspective mood for a few weeks now.

I was texting a friend and out of nowhere he said, “Ugh, your being you again.”….Really? Being me is a bad thing?

The issue turned out to be that he thought I was not committing to my opinions and actions fully. The fact was that I was happy to spend time with him but I was also perfectly happy to be home alone. Either action was fine so I did not truly care if he came over or not to watch anime.

The last few times we met up we have been arguing philosophy, genetics and depression. He is a firm believer that depression is genetic and there is nothing you can really do to fix the cycle of happiness/depression. I disagree, while it is probably caused by genetics, you always have a choice in how you approach life.

One of my favorite movies has a line I love, “We are all broken. None of us know what the hell we are doing.”

It’s true. We are all walking wounded when it comes to life. We are glass balls who slam into each other and walk away covered in chips and splinters. But it is up to us to decide if we accept the damage or work to repair and work around it.

I choice to learn to work around my damage and to repair what I am able. I choose to try and learn from each day and keep moving. But at the same time I agree that everyone has their moments when they need to curl into a fetal position and mourn their hurts for a day or two. You need to feel the bad to appreciate the good.

So yes, I have my days where everything turns to shit and I give up on the day and go to bed and it makes me treasure the days where I am happy and breathing all the more.

Today is a good day. I don’t know where I will be emotionally tomorrow, but for today I am happy, and it is enough.

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