Selfish

Some days I just have bad days.
Days where every little things goes wrong and I end up acting like a jerk.
Yesterday was one of those days.

After work I shut the blind and settled in to read while CSI played in the background.
My e reader battery was dead.
Okay, no harm no foul, I will just watch TV, my eyes hurt anyway from being at a computer for 9 hours at work.
No tricker treaters came which was a good thing since I had no candy.
At around 9 I gave up and started getting ready for bed.
I proceeded to lose one of a favorite pair of earrings down the sink.
After several minutes of frantic "maybe it bounced" looking I gave up and went to change.
Mid change someone starts banging loudly on the door, over and over making my dog bark.
At this point the only lights on in the house is my bedroom light.
I pull on a bathrobe and go to answer the door since they are still knocking.
Yep, teenagers not in costume trying to trick or treat.
I unlocked the deadbolt, opened the door a crack to contain the dog and told them I was not trick or treating before shutting the door rather hard since at this point I was rather pissed.
I then spent the next thirty minutes calming down my neurotic dog. (the main reason I don’t do Halloween, she does not take kids in costume well.)

Yes, I was mean to children.
Yes, I then called my BF to complain about the lost earring (since she gave me the pair and I loved them.) and having to answer the door in only a bathrobe.
Yes, I’m a bad friend who called a friend late at night to whine about first world problems.

Halloween used to be fun when I was little, now it’s just high school all over again.
Oh, no… I did not get invited to any Halloween parties.
No, I don’t get asked to go to lunch with the cool kids at work.
Most of the time this does not bother me at all since I have never minded being alone but sometimes it does.
Yesterday was a bad day for that.
I was lonely for no other reason then because society says you are supposed to be around other people on holidays and I hate that.

I know everyone is wired to be selfish, to look out for themselves and not the others around them.
I know this and yet I often feel bad for acting in ways that seem to be selfish to me.
Not sure how to cure this.

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7 thoughts on “Selfish

  1. How were you selfish? By not wanting to be bothered by a teenager not in costume on Halloween night that was bothering you? I’m a little puzzled.

    That said, sure, everyone is selfish and doesn’t think of how it affects others. But you’re not like that, I don’t see anything in here that reads as selfish.

    Another important question. ONLY a bathrobe?

      • Hot stuff! I mean, you know, having to sleep naked because you’re warm. 😉 I used to sleep naked when I was younger, but no longer. I get cold far too easily in my old age.

    • That is kind of the issue. I know it is not being selfish but I still feel that way. Think I am just in a bad headspace right now. Also getting ragged by various relatives that I don’t ever see them and then they mostly ignore me when I rearrange my weekend to meet up with them. Just feeling like the invisible girl right now.

      • You’re not invisible to me! But yes, I’m only an internet person, so don’t really count. Would writing help get you out of the headspace? This is the beginning of NaNoWriMo! I have to write tonight as well!

        ANd your relatives always sounded like dicks.

      • Thanks, I know I am not invisible, just feeling that way.

        Yes, writing helps but i am just too brain dead right now to deal with it. Wrote about 700 words this morning before work for NaNo but random meetings (I had to attend but was never invited to so I didn’t know about them) and issues (OMG, there’s a pop up! It’s an extra click! You must turn it off NOW!!!) and (Look at that, it is a security point…and not one I own, so here, we fixed the issue you refused to look at, can I go back to my real job now?) have killed my brain power.

        Did I mention the bad mood? LOL. About to run away for takeout and hope no one misses me for 30 minutes.

      • Good, good. I know that feeling, I feel it sometimes, so I do stuff to make sure I’m not. Interrupt conversations, fart inappropriately, make myself un-missable.

        Oh your brain is fried! Nooooooooo!

        Yeah, I didn’t notice the bad mood.

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