Journal

hesse quote
Sorry if this comes off as a bit of a rant.
I’m tired of being lonely. I’m wandering around the house bored, horny, lonely, and trying to ignore the headache building. When I’m keeping up on my house chores I have very little to do in on the weekends and the days run long leaving me tired and whiny. I want someone to talk to, someone to laugh with and to dance around the kitchen together while I make stir fry. Why is it so hard to find someone to put up with me? I go on dates and can feel the guys drawing away as the minutes tick by.
There is something innate to women that makes us worry and being alone makes it worse. I already have my issues with anxiety but having no one to talk to sometimes just seems to make it magnify. I worry about everything. My family, friends, people I know from work or online who are having issues. I’m used to waiting for the next thing to break but oh so tired of bracing for it.
I fill every bit of my life up with projects and tasks so that I’m too busy to worry. Too busy to look at the broken parts and missing things in my life. I watch the people around me and wonder how they don’t go mad with nothing but work and home to keep them moving.
I know I can’t compare my life to the people around me and expect it to match. Hell, when have I ever been normal? I know we’re all broken in some way, it’s only those of us able to hide the sharp edges that pass for normal. Still, the days grind on and I can feel my pieces grinding against each other in my chest.
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I got my trip to Savannah all booked, so that is a go at least even if I didn’t get a place right on the river like I wanted. The place is still only a few blocks away and was my second choice.
Novel writing so far this weekend? Zero. I am in a bit of a writing slump and instead am fiddling with editing old stories and wiping out typos. I missed the writing critique group I wanted to go to this week thanks to a headache and will have to catch the next one in two weeks.
National Novel Writing Month is barely two weeks away and I have several more Nano group meets to go to, counting tomorrow for Plotting and World building sessions. Should be fun.
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